Incompetent Crew

Jack is up on the wharf talking to one of the other people from the other boat.

While they're busy chewing over boaty things, one of my clove hitched fenders uncleaved itself and fell into the drink. This, following an abysmally useless demonstration of heaving lines ashore

"That's alright, Jack. Don't mind me, I can get this, I can do it, just let me get - er - er - the boathook. Yep, that's fine, no it isn't. No, no, just carry on talking, no problem. Oops, boathook too long, cant get the line. Don't worry, Jack, I can get the shorter boathook. You just carry on talking among yourselves. No problem, I can manage - heave, drop, heave, drop - bloody fender - fish, fish, ah! gottit - that's OK, Jack, got it - don't you trouble yourself. Yep, yep, here it comes -splash - no, no, try again - don't you worry about me, Jack, I'm fine - fish, fish - HOOK! - here she comes, Jack!"

And all this to the laughter of the two ladies on the dock. J and the gent oblivious to the drama below their eyesight. In fact, while I'm giving this demo of marine ineptitude, I can hear him boasting about my prowess. Farce? I couln't invent it.