The Dating Game

BIG JIMMY: Hi - what sort of relationship do you seek? FWB* or SB* perhaps?

You: Well, good afternoon, my dear sir. I do like a few formalities before getting down to business...

BIG JIMMY: Aha - so sorry, may I introduce myself then... Jim (or James to the vicar or magistrate) - a cultured rough diamond from the smoke, begging your acquantance. Author, Travel writer musician businessman and general bon viveur! seeking woman for the Good life.

You: I have plenty of fuck buddies already matey - dont need any more, thanks.

BIG JIMMY: Do you - so where exactly do you find them - women seem to all have them - my friends and I just dont.

You: I think it's got something to do with being charming and well mannered, dont you think?
[Private PS - I feel the irony will be lost]

BIG JIMMY: Oh well, I try every approach, from blunt to gentlemanly, and all women seem to want is either the big romance with all trimmings or nothing. Am I wrong here? And as it happens I am still paying for the last big romance!

You: scuse me, Big Jim, (PS I like the initials) is there a small problem you have with romance and all that or is it just a shag you're after? I think you might have the wrong ideas, chum

BIG JIMMY: Id just like a friend (with the shag) and then see of romance works out later - is that unreasonable?

You: Doesn't sound at all unreasonable to me - in fact, I would go so far as to say you've probably pulled.

You: But I wouldn't like to say what.

BIG JIMMY: Well, glad you agree with me then - now, are you Susy or Rosy, just so I'm not confused!

You: That will have to remain an unanswered question, I'm afraid - I have to rush to the shops before they close - byeee [Private PS - such a lie!]

BIG JIMMY: Bye SusyRosy! Jim x

You: Bye J - interesting approach, but maybe not quite right ....

BIG JIMMY: well I will try again later - when you come back!


[ Sorry, dear reader, I had to leave it there... it would be a shame to confuse his addled brain further]


(*FWB - Friends with Benefits ie Fuck Buddies; SB - a variety of meanings - Slow Burner might be appropriate, but I await further suggestions, probably far ruder)