susys running away to sea

"The rigors (sic) of an expeditionary lifestyle"

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Can I have a self indulgent private

public howl of anguish ... just happens this is the nearest most anonymous place.

I get the most god awful mood swings, helped only by writing. It doesnt much matter what it is - even mundane rubbish, as some of you have kindly pointed out (tic smiley). It's the manipulation of words, word order, word choice, seeing the little buggers crawling across the screen, that diverts my head. It's not - well, I don't think it is - depression, because mostly my mood is up. It's more a physical clench in my head and gut, and I am literally hunched over. I can wake up with it, for no apparent reason, or listening to unexpected music - Grayson Perry's choice in Desert Island Discs just now brought this one on - it can last a minute, or several days. And the only way I know of exorcising it is tapping away at a keyboard, scribbling on a piece of paper.

When I was lecturing, words spoken, I got tremendous pleasure from arranging words in my head to explain a concept that could then be understood. I've used writing in the past to earn my living. I may do this in the future - but this would be for money - not for alleviation of a mood. Might as well do both, though, I guess - and get a benefit.

Strange dichotomy - to capture that mood, I have to destroy it in its description - and this can lead to a certain sorrow at its absence.

Should I lift it? Should I let it run its course? Should I feed it, with music, for instance? It has its own compelling allure ...

Does anyone else have a mood lightener?

(This has appeared elsewhere)


  • At 8:49 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I once knew a crazy woman who ran away to sea in a beautiful pea green 2 piece set of combinations with alligator hip waders and pink goggles. Her mood was very light What happened to her is a mystery though. I think she can just be heard hard by the eastern edge of a far away land singing sea shanties whilst imbibing the most noxious substance which renders her hopelessly in need of constant gratification that only a ...... yes I'm coming#*~!!. Sorry got to go tea's ready and the balding bloke and Dr.Death are waiting.


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